Do things ever get better???

So it has been 7 weeks and 3 days since Scott and I have been home from the hospital and life is harder than I ever could have imagened. Every day I wake up, get ready, and get on with life and my heart is just broken. I just want to be pregnant and have a baby that would be 27 weeks and 3 days old. i am tired of not feeling my baby in my tummy, i'm tired of having all this baby fat and no baby to show for it, i'm tired of strech marks and no baby to show for it. all i have is a grave sight to go to and put flowers on. I am totally mad at the world and i don't understand why this had to happen to Scott and I. I was so excited to be having a little boy, and now finding out that my two sisters are also having boys would have made it so much fun, they would have been the 3 amiogos! But for some reason that i don't know why there will just be the two of them. I am having a hard time with alot of things, its hard to sit in primary and watch all the little kids because i know that i wont ever get to see Joseph in there singing his articles of faith and preparing for the primary program, I have a hard time seeing so many pregnant women walking around with out a care in the world, its hard to see moms with new babies, because i only got to have my new baby for a couple of hours. I don't understand why this had to happen to us and now I am so scared to have a baby. I can't lose another one, I can't go through all of this again. All I want right now is to kiss my baby every day and it kills me to know that i wont be able to kiss him any more. I want to change his stinky little diapers. There are so many things I want to do with Joseph that I will just have to wait to do with him.

I am not sure that I am ready for this i'm not ready to deal with losing my baby I really miss my little boy. I really want to be a mom to my son right now I have such a longing to be a mom and to take care of my son. This is so hard. But I do feel very proud to be a mom to my sweet angel he did so much for Scott and I, he came for this short time on earth to bring bring Scott and I so close together and to help grow our testomonies. The other night Scott and I decided to go to the temple and while i was there I had this overwhelming love wrapped around my body and I knew that Joseph was there giving me a big hug and letting me now that he was safe and having so much fun. I can't explain how greatful I am for the temple and for the gospel. Lately I have felt so alone but as soon as I walked into the temple I knew that joseph was there and heavenly father was there and I know that they were both letting me know how much they love me. I really miss my baby Joseph and I have had a hard time accepting the fact that I can't raise him right now. It feels like so many things have happened lately and as things are slowing down reality is setting in and it is harder than ever. but I am greatful for my sweet husband who is handeling the stress of everything that has happened so well. Scott your amazing and I love you so much. I just want everyone to know that Joseph was a perfect baby and he was not a miscarriage. He was a perfect little baby and everything was developed, everything was just very small. If I didn't have a weak cervix then he would have been born to us in december as the perfect baby, but because i can't support a child over 10 oz my body had to deliver him. I felt Joseph movine inside me just an hour before he was born and i fell asleep feeling my baby moving. I all of the sudden woke up to the worst contractions and Joseph was born but had passed away just before he was born. I know that i have a perfect baby, who my have been a still born but his sweet spirit was in the hospital room with us. I love my baby and I love my husband, and there is no way I could get through this without Scott. babe your amazing.

OuR WonDerFuL WeEkeNDs!

So our past weekends have been so wonderful. NOTHING has happened :) Scott and i have been enjoying our house all to our selves with no roommates or family(not that we don't love our family or anything :)) But it has seriously been so relaxing. We went to a Movie with our freinds, we rented some movies and just cuddled on the couch and relaxed together, and we never got any calls from any family saying something horrible has happend....YEAH. I think our bad luck streak is up, and we couldn't be more happy!!!

Ok and i can't believe that it is almost Fall. It used to get dark around here around like 8:30 9:00 but now I look out the window and it is pitch black outside. So last night I thought to my self after seeing how dark it was outside, wow it is so late, then i looked at the clock. It was ONLY 7:30. It is crazy time is flying by, but i am very excited for fall and fall weather, i'm tired of all this heat. And I'm so excited for Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think fall is my favorite season!!

Dad is ok!

So this weekend was another scary one. My dad "Joe Gneiting" got really sick and ended up in the hospital early Saturday morning. I got a phone call from my mom at about 4 a.m. after hearing what the situation was I got on the next plane to Utah. My parents were down in Utah to see a BYU football game. We thought he had a stoke in the hotel room that night. After lots of tests and a night in the hospital the doctors thankfully ruled out a stroke. Its been a few days and he seems to be doing very well. We are so thankful that he is OK. What a wake up call.

Our family has never had anything bad happen to it. We think that we have now filled our quota for a long time. ha ha.

To celebrate the beginning of good luck Amy and I are going to the Beachcomber in Crystal Cove for dinner!!

The test results are back.

Today Scott and I went in for our 2 week check up after having our little joseph. When baby Joseph was born we had them do some chromosome test to see if there was something wrong with Joseph and if that is why he came 4 months early. Our Dr Gladly told us that little Joseph was 100% perfect! It made me so happy to hear that my little boy was perfect. The Dr also told us that 13 weeks after we get pregnant next time that i am a perfect candidate to have a surgery where they stitch part of my cervix, that way i can hold a baby to full term. Because i have a week cervix i am high risk, which means i go to my regular Dr once a month and I go to a specialist once a month. That means 9 or more ultra sounds and alot of extra attention:), and I just love attention. ha ha ha ha.

Scott and I are doing good and were happy to know that when we want to have a baby all we will have to do is one little thing and then get a stich in my cervix;) oh I just love my husband and i can't wait to see him with our 2nd baby because i know that he is the best dad ever. thank you all for your prayers and support. This has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through and my testimony has grown so much, and hearing all of your testimonies and knowing that so many loved ones have been praying for us has helped me so much. We love you all and appreciate all you have done for us. I know that Scott and I will be able to raise baby Joseph, we just can't raise him right now. I am happy to know that we have a perfect little boy that will always be watching over our family. Mommy and Daddy love you baby Joseph and miss you xoxoxo. all of you preo women out there give your tummy an extra rub and love for scott and I, and make sure you let your baby know it is loved, and everyone with kids give them an extra hug and kiss from Scott and I and let them know how precious they are. xoxox we love you all and thank you for all you have done for Scott and I.

Sunday Drive

Scott and I finally have decided to sucome to the world of California and got a fast trac. Good bye Toll Booths, Hello monthly bill!!! :)

Scott and I decided that today would be a great day to go as a Family and take a Sunday drive. Since we just got our fast tracs we decided to take the toll road all the way down to Dana Point, which is by Capo. We drove down to the dana point tide pools and had a lot of fun walking on the beach and along all of the rocks but sadly the tide was in so we didn't see any cool animals but it was so nice to be with my sweet husband. Over the past couple of weeks life has been so busy, having a baby and planning his funeral, having people over, dealing with our emotions, etc it was nice to sit by the ocean and feel the calming breeze and just being with Scott.

The tide pools is in this really quiet place that is right by the side of a rocky mountain. Scott was so cute he was rather afraid that this mountain of rocks were going to land right on his head so i wanted to take a picture of him being afraid. ha ha ha oh i have the cutest husband ever!!

When we were walking back to the car after trying to find some sort of animal life, but not finding any i saw this awsome king of the hill rock. I told scott to go up and climb it and be king of the Rock, he only did it because i told him we could blog about it. He is so stiken cute i seriously love him. After I took some sweet pictures of him i decided i would go up and join him. It was nice to be sitting so high up and being able to watch the waves come in and break on the rock. It was so nice being just with my Sweet husband relaxing and letting all the worries of the world wash away. Scott I love you so much and I am so happy that I am married to you. I wouldn't want to go through this with out you. I am amaized at how strong you are. I love you.

Dinner anyone?

So I decided that I would be an awesome wife to my amazing husband and make him dinner!!! parmasan chicken is one of his favorite meals that i make so I got everything ready and dinner was going to be done around 5 o clock right when Scott would be home from work. I preheated the oven to 350 degrees and was ready to cook the chicken. Just a side note, We had some people over jack hammering our floor in our bathroom, that is another story for another day. So as these guys were jack hammering about i started smelling smoke but i just thought it was the jack hammer so i didn't think anything of it. Well all of the sudden i walked into the kitchen to put the chicken into the oven, and the oven was on FIRE!!! yes fire. I started feaking out and din't know what to do i thought i was going to burn the house down. I hurried and called scott and told him what was happening. He told me to turn the oven off and just let it burn out. so I hurried and turned off the oven and waited for the fire to go out. All this time I was thinking how is the oven on fire? Well when the fire finally burned out I found the culpret.... earlier that day I had put our little dog Billys Food container and placematt in the oven becuse i never use the oven and i didn't want to put the dirty dog stuff on the table. Of course i forgot they were in there and i cooked them, and it turned into a plastic mess. I still wanted to have dinner ready for Scott when he got home from work so I rushed to a fast food place and got take out, so our beautiful home made dinner turned out to a funny take out dinner. my advise to eveyone is to NOT put anything in your oven that you don't want to cook!

Our Precious Baby Boy

Amy and I would like to thank you for your prayers and support in this difficult time. If you are not aware our sweet little baby boy was born 4 months premature on Aug 11 at 1:29 am. Everything was going fine but on sat afternoon all of a sudden Amy doubled over having major contractions. I rushed her to the hospital and by the time we got there she was already dilated to 4. One third of the amniotic sac had dropped down into the vaginal canal and then eventually the cervix closed over it. We had specialists look at her and they said that trying to push everything back up in was just too risky for Amy. They said complications were likely and may result in loss of our ability to have more children or Amy's life. They said that there wasn't anything else they could do. After about 2 days of major pain and hoping for a miracle we took her off of the medication that stops contractions and she eventually went into labor. Joseph Scott Gneiting was born at 1:29 in the morning to Amy Joy and Scott Joseph Gneiting. He was 10 inches long, 10 oz and he was perfectly formed. He was so beautiful. His little hands, and feet and everything were perfectly formed but his lungs and organs just needed a few more months. Just before he was born we could hear his heart beating perfectly. He passed away while going through the birth canal. We spent many hours just holding him and taking pictures.

We have learned that Amy has a condition they call an "incompetent cervix." That means once the baby is heavy enough the cervix can no longer hold the weight of a baby and opens. This conditiona can not be detected until something like this happens. We are positive that a simple procedure of stitching two stitches in the cervix at about 14 weeks will likely allow us to carry our next babies to full term. Amy will likely be on bed rest the entire pregnancy.

We would like to invite each of you to the funeral services of our little boy. The funeral will be held this Saturday at 10:00 am in the Newport Beach LDS Chapel. Interment will immediately follow just a few miles away at Pacific View Cemetery. Following interment we are holding a luncheon for everyone back at the church. Please come and eat and help us memorialize the birth of our first son. Please let us know if you are able to come, we hope you can make it. Again we would like to thank you for your prayers and support. They have helped so much. We love you all.